I was trying to play a joke on my friends last night. I poured water into a Patron Silver bottle, making them think it was tequila. I had planned this elaborate toast, everyone would say, "Cheers, it's good to see everyone! To all my friends!" Then every one would take the shots and find out it was water. Classic maneuver and funny when your drunk. When the time came to take the shots, my buzz really kicked in. I wouldn't say buzz, more like drunk as shit. I guess I was really fucked up. I b-lined straight for a soft couch to die on.

!SNAP! Like that...I was drunk and spinning. Maybe it was that last bong hit I took. I dunno but I was fucked up. Really, really fucked up. I had to lay down. As I'm laying there, I hear everyone yell, the joke was a success. Although, I didn't get to see it. At least I heard it. My head is spinning and it's inevitable, I'm going to puke. The Jack, Tequila, Vodka, and beer all wanted to come out of my tummy say hello to the outside world.

I end up laying on the grass in the back yard. I'm thinking, "Don't pass out on your back. Whatever you do, don't pass out on your back." Bile, it tastes like battery acid. I hear everyone laughing it up, enjoying the party, girls are drunk, my friends are laughing enjoying each others company, but I can't stand. I'm stuck on the cold, comfortable grass in a backyard of south San Jose, trying not to die. I attempt to move my head, but then I puke at even the thought of moving.

I then feel like I'm going to shit. There's no way I'm going to shit my pants. I can't shit my pants. I concentrate hard to focus on standing. Finally I'm able to get up. I take a step, then I'm suddenly running sideways to keep my balance and end up back on the floor. I'm thinking, "Oh god, someone needs to take a picture of this to show me tomorrow so that I'll never drink like this again." I try standing again. I'm able to get up but I have to puke and get my bearings of where I'm going. I don't want to walk through the party. I stink like puke and there's puke on my shirt. I make it through the side gate and enter through the front door of the house. I'm almost shitting my pants, holding in puke(bile) and grabbing onto the walls.

I'm working hard to not pass out while on the shitter. My friends will never let me forget that. "Hey Deathbox, remember the time you passed out on the toilet while shitting?" I go to wipe my ass, no toilet paper. No fucking toilet paper. All of that hard work to get my ass to a toilet and no fucking t.p.! Sock? Shirt? Towl? Fuck it, boxers. Three wipes later, i bust the screen in the window and the boxers land on the side of the house two stories down. As I'm trying to find my way to the door, my reflection looks back at me in the mirror shaking his head. "Fuck you.", I reply.